Psalm 51

I read something the other day about how we can tell the difference between whether an idea comes from our own mind or if it is an idea that God has put into our mind. The article said if the idea is something that we wouldn't normally consider, it is most likely something God is calling us to do.

That is exactly how I feel about this blog. It is something I absolutley did not want to do, but for some reason, the idea of starting one kept coming to my mind. I truly feel God knew that I needed this outlet. Whether anyone is reading it or not, it is something that I needed to do for myself. It has helped me focus my days and take something positive away from each day that I am given.

We used to sing Psalm 51 in church. It says, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." I feel this is exactly what God is doing in me right now. I have so much in my heart that is negative, and God is trying to clean it up. Christians are supposed to look different than the rest of the world. I feel as though there has been a big discrepancy between what I believe and the way I act during my day. I have not looked different because I have not truly relied on God to help me. I see that he is helping me let go of dependency on others, discontent, taking others for granted and a bad attitude. I want the thoughts that I write to correspond with my actions, words, and attitude. I want a clean heart that only God can provide.

Favorite Moments
Gracie has started calling Jim "Jim" and "honey" instead of Daddy.
Watching the rain clouds roll in from Gracie's window. Madelyn was standing on her tip-toes trying to see.
Trying to capture a picture in my mind of exactly how small Madelyn is right now while I fed her a bottle
Lunch with friends
Dancing after nap time
Talking with Jim in bed before we went to sleep and reminding him of how I love the way he makes our family time together so much fun. I love him for the funny person he is and the way he keeps me grounded.

A Kindred Spirit

I love Anne of Green Gables. What Anne wanted more than anything was to find a kindred spirit, a bosom friend of her very own. God has blessed me with some wonderful friends! Some are back in Illinois, and some friendships are developing here in Arizona. But what I am discovering as I get older is that I have a friend, a kindred spirit, who knows me better than anyone. A friend who knows my heart. A friend who knows what I need. A friend who is always available to talk. A friend who never lets me down. A friend who desires a close relationship with me. Of course, I am talking about the Lord!

So on days when I miss my friends very much and I feel lonely, I turn to God for comfort. And you know what? When I open my Bible and turn to a devotional or scripture, it is always something I need to hear. God is a friend who knows me better than I know myself. He is a true kindred spirit.

Favorite Moments

Making a fishing pole with Gracie with a ruler, some yarn and a magnet. We used paper clips as our fish. She loves it!

Making a yummy cherry crisp recipe with yellow cake on top! I think it is one of my new favorite desserts.

Going to the library. I just love libraries!

French toast for breakfast

Watching the girls play in their little pool

Listening to Madelyn babble to Gracie and Jim. She loves to talk to them.

Gracie's Dream

Gracie woke up this morning asking if I could find the purple things in a bag. She went on to describe that they were flat like fish, but not fish. When I stared at her blankly, having no idea what she was talking about, she had a meltdown. This happens frequently when she wakes up. I think she has a very active mind, even when she is sleeping.

The monsoon has started. The clouds are starting to roll in in the afternoon and we even had a little thunderstorm this morning. Don't tell Jim, but I think I secretly like the monsoon. It is a nice change. I don't always like the lightening though.

Favorite Moments

Me
Madelyn has a tooth!
seeing one-month-old twin girls at the lake
reading to Gracie on the bed while it rained and thundered
Madelyn trying to blow kisses

Gracie
using her magnifying glass to do a hide and seek letter page--I am so excited about this because she asked to do one! It is a page we do when we have "lessons".
walking to the lake
going to the store (my least favorite part of the day!)

Prayer

Isn't it amazing how kids can pick up on their parents' feelings? If I am feeling the littlest bit stressed or upset or angry, Gracie picks up on it and acts the same way. She depends on me so much to keep my emotions in control so that she can feel in control, too. A few things have been worrying me lately...like the fact that the dog won't eat and we don't know why, where we are going to have Madelyn's birthday party, etc. I know these things will get figured out in time. It is just a reminder to me that I need to pray, hand them over to God even if they seem like small things. He cares about the details in my life, no matter how small.

Favorite Moments
playing with friends
playing in the pool

Evidence

I have spent much of the day rescuing Madelyn from the messes she has gotten herself into. Getting stuck here, falling there, crying about this, looking to me for help. I have also waited patiently as Gracie cried over things that seem so silly to be crying about. She had a lot of wound up energy inside and didn't know how to focus the energy for anything good.

I can't help but think that we as adults are often a lot like children. We get ourselves into messes, don't trust God to help us out of them and end up crying and worrying. Instead, we should be like Madelyn. As she looks to me to help her and trusts me without fail, we should be trusting in our Heavenly Father. For Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."


I have been asking myself lately why I believe the words in the Bible and how it is I know I can trust in them. Our pastor says it takes people different amounts of evidence to believe. I came to believe in Jesus and his story as a child. It didn't take much evidence at all! But for some, more questions need to be answered and the evidence has to add up.


For me, the evidence can be found in the amazing prophecy of the Old Testament that we now read as history. I recently completed a study on the book of Daniel. What awesome history is found there!


I believe God can and does speak to us through our dreams. This is exactly what happened to King Nebuchadnezzar. He dreamed of a statue that represented four literal earthly empires--the Babylonians, the Medo-Persians, the Greeks and the Romans. There is way too much history wrapped up in these empires for me to write about, but the history books record the unfolding events just as they were prophesied in the book of Daniel.


If all the events that were foretold in the Bible have come true so far, why would I not believe that the last and final events will also come true? That Jesus Christ will have a literal earthly reign, that a new earth will be formed and that I can live with him for eternity?

I am in need of a Savior. And Christ is the only one who promises to save me, if I will accept him and his story.

Favorite Moments
Watching Gracie feed Lily her food, one pebble at a time
Gracie vacuuming with her little vacuum while I used the "real" one
Holding Gracie on the couch in an attempt to calm her wild spirit
Madelyn giving out hugs
Hugging Jim after supper

Favorite Moments

Me
showing Gracie how to sponge paint
watching Madelyn try to color--so cute!
making cupcakes and licking the batter
seeing how cute Gracie looked with chocolate cupcake batter all over her face
Madelyn fell asleep this afternoon all by herself with only a little crying!
Talking with a friend
Right before bed, Gracie said, "I had a fun day with you and Madelyn." That made me smile.
Watching TV with Jim


Gracie
playing in her room
eating a cupcake

I asked her what she didn't like about her day, and she said, "I didn't get to help you type any emails." The girl loves the computer!

Father's Day Weekend

For Father's Day I made Jim a little card that simply said, "With you...life is never boring." Gracie and Madelyn have such a fun Daddy! I am so glad that he is always keeping life around here so interesting with songs and games. He gives them things that I never could!

He suggested that we go to Madera Canyon in the Santa Rita Mountains yesterday. I am so glad he did! It is such a beautiful area. We went "hiking" in two different areas. Since the girls were with us, I use the word hiking very loosely. After stopping in a shady spot to rest and watch the clouds, I strapped on Madelyn and Jim carried Gracie on his back. As we struggled to get up the hill carrying the girls, Gracie announced that she really liked hiking!

Jim had been craving cream soda, so about a month ago I bought him some for a Father's Day present. He happened upon the receipt last weekend and found out I got him some, ruining the surprise. He also happened to buy some that day to surprise us! I don't think we will crave cream soda for awhile. Gracie ruined his other surprise by telling him we got him some white shoes. Thankfully, he thought she was saying white juice, referring to the soda.

Reflecting upon the weekend, I realize how much I love the little everyday moments that happen in our life. So here are the favorites.

Favorite Moments
hiking in Madera Canyon
watching the clouds go by
getting ice cream
playing in girls' rooms
Gracie said "G" "I" "L" as she wrote the letters all by herself!!! She also traced the word Mommy on my picture frame and said every letter!

Our Day in a List

Things I want to remember...
1. All of us feeling restless. When bored, create something to do!
2. Walking to the lake--I love it!
3. Going to the store, library and park to give us something to do.
4. Getting poetry and rhyme books
5. Madelyn and Gracie laughing while they swang at the park. It warmed my heart!
6. Gracie loved climbing the ladder at the park.
7. My dad calling to say he got his Father's Day present
8. Madelyn's need to play peek-a-boo with everything. It's so cute!
9. Talking to Bethany
10. Gracie thinking a purple shirt with polk-a-dots matches blue and yellow flowery pants
11. Jim squirting Lily with a little green shark
12. Reminding Gracie (and myself) that "A soft answer turns away wrath" and "Be kind one to another) and both of us forgetting to apply them
13. Remembering that all children are a gift from God and hoping to convey this better to my girls tomorrow
14. Just because Jim would hate it if I left my list at 13.

Water Park and Mud Pies

When the girls are older, I hope they will look back on days like today and smile. What could be better to a three-year-old than going to the water park and then making mud pies in the backyard?

After waiting at home this morning for 3 long hours, the water park finally opened and we got ready to leave. By the time I slathered us all up with sunscreen, wrestled each of them into their suits and walked out to the car with 2 bags, a baby carrier, a baby and a giant turtle, I was wondering if it was going to be worth it. Madelyn absolutely loved the water and her giant floating turtle. She was kicking her feet and paddling all over the pool. Gracie was disappointed that the train slide was not open but had fun wading in the pool and playing on a different slide.

Later that day when Gracie was making mud pies in the almost 100 degree weather, she came to the door and said, very seriously, "Mommy, I think I need a jacket!" I guess we need to do some lessons on seasonal clothing!

Favorite Moments

Gracie
going to the water park, playing on the slides and watching the big bucket dump
making mud pies

Me
When Madelyn fell asleep in her giant turtle, she looked so sweet
Watching Gracie be brave at the water park because last year she was afraid of everything
Finally getting some time to myself during naps

Music

During the girls' bath tonight, I realized just how tired I was. It could have been because my little alarm clock went off at 4:40 this morning or that I chased the girls around all day. Sometimes I just don't know where are days go.

I love listening to music (my music, not the girls') on days when I just need uplifting. And I have to say thank you to Steven Curtis Chapman for making an amazing CD. One of the songs from his This Moment CD speaks directly to moms. It is called One Heartbeat at a Time. I just want to list the words to the chorus as a great reminder to me that what I do is important.

...You are changing the world
one little heartbeat at a time
making history with every touch and every smile
Oh you, you may not see it now
but I believe that time will tell
how you, you are changing the world
one little heartbeat at a time.

Favorite Moments

Me
introducing Gracie to Anne of Green Gables while we ate lunch
homemade bread, yum!

Gracie
talking about the water park
"breaking the rules and watching TV while we ate lunch"

Naps

I am having trouble getting Madelyn to take her naps. I don't know what it is about me that makes my kids bad nappers. They just don't give in. Even Jesus took naps. Why can they not understand how important naps are? My goal is to get them to do naptime/quiet time everyday after lunch. Maybe someday.

Favorite Moments

Gracie
playing with paper clips
getting a pair of water wings for the pool
helping me make little apple pies

Me
organizing some things in the office (I love to organize anything)
Making little apple pies
I love that Gracie found the Roald Dahl book The Giraffe and the Pelly and Me on my bookshelf and has been listening to us read it to her. It it such a cute story!

Thankful

Yesterday, my mom asked me to pray for a special little baby who was born too early and is fighting for her life in the hospital. After remembering this little baby, it made me so thankful that my girls are here to wake me up at 5:00 in the morning. It means that they are with me and healthy. Thank you, God, for this new perspective. I am definitely praying for the little baby and her family.

Alarm Clocks

When I was younger I had an alarm clock that meowed. I'm not much of a cat person these days, but I would choose meowing over my new alarm clocks. Most people, when purchasing a new alarm clock, do not look for one with the "screaming baby option". They want to wake up slowly to something pleasant, or at least wake up to something thing they can turn off or hit the snooze button. My two alarm clocks do not have snooze buttons. And there is only one way to turn them off--get out of bed and go to the alarm clocks. When one goes off, the other usually follows. While the "screaming baby option" is not pleasant, it is very effective. It goes off, and after waiting (and praying) to see if it will quiet itself, it usually does not. I then get out of bed. Very effective alarm clock. Mine went off promptly at 5:00am.

Nap time did not go much better.

I reacted instead of responding.

Some days are like this.

"Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day without any mistakes in it yet?" (Anne of Green Gables) I love Anne.

Favorite Moments
Despite our somewhat rough day, we had a few favorite moments.

Gracie
Playing in shaving cream
her new beam-me-up badge from her cereal box
playing on chairs and stools at the shoe store

Me
Reading a magazine at lunch
typing this blog
Madelyn hiding behind her bib so I wouldn't feed her any more food that would make her gag--it did make me laugh!
Looking forward to spending time with Jim this evening, if our alarm clocks do not go off unexpectedly.

Expectations

Romans 8: 28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for good to those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I first came across this verse when I was put on bedrest with Gracie. Now, it is a song on one her CDs and we often sing it together. Listening to her music is definitely helping me memorize scripture!

This has been a recurring message that keeps coming my way. Once again, this message hit home in a sermon today. One of our elders posed this question to us: What expectations do we have of God? When we become Christians do we expect the road to be easy? Do we expect that God should only give us good things and our desires? I know I used to expect this. Sometimes I still do. So when bad things happen, we often become angry and confused. We ask why when we should be asking what. What can I do in this situation and for what purpose has God allowed this to happen. After all, we are here for him, not for ourselves. I believe God speaks to us more during trials in our life than he does during the blessings. When we start asking what instead of why, our heart and perspective change. The bad things are still there, but our eyes are opened to so many more possibilities.

So when I was put on bedrest for two months with Gracie, I was devastated. I asked why instead of what. But when I came across Romans 8:28, it gave me courage to resign from my teaching job. And that decision has completely altered my path in life. I am now on a path that I never thought I'd be on--in Arizona raising two girls and wanting to homeschool. I never would have guessed that 3 1/2 years ago! But I am so thankful that God took a situation that was scary and unwanted and turned it into something different than I expected.

Favorite Moments

Gracie and me--Going to church, talking with family

Saturdays

I love that Saturdays look different from the rest of the week. Jim is home, and that makes our morning more fun. He often makes breakfast for us and Gracie "helps" him.

My Favorite Moments
Having waffles for breakfast...Yum!
Running errands with the family
Madelyn falling asleep on Jim's lap
Going through Gracie's pile of artwork
Taking a nap myself!
Looking at land in Morton and houseplans, just for the fun of it


Gracie's Favorite Moments
Going on the potty (this is all she could come up with, but I have to agree!)

Comfort for Moms

Every morning at breakfast I read a devotional in my Bible that directly speaks to moms. I look forward to that every morning, even if it is usually interrupted by requests for more cereal. Yesterday's message brought such comfort to me. It is taken from Isaiah and says, "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries sthem close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11
What good news it is to know that God cares for moms!

It is not always easy being a mom. Sometimes there is great pain and suffering. But I believe God is teaching us through the trials. Another passage from Isaiah that is on my calendar for today says, "I have refined you though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10


Favorite Moments

Gracie's
Going to the park and seeing big kids
Climbing up the slide and ladder
Climbing the tree with Daddy
Making and eating cookies with Mommy

Mine
Watching Gracie play with Jim in the backyard
Father's Day shopping and crafts
Baking and eating way too many double chocolate oatmeal cookies
"Tap-dancing" with Gracie
Listening to Madelyn's babbles

Housecleaning

I had fun today cleaning out and reorganizing the girls' closets and dressers. That was our big project of the day. I was a little sad to put away all of the clothes they have outgrown, but it also made me so thankful that they are growing as they should. Praise God for that! I have gotten some sound advice from some people that I want to share. We shouldn't wish our children's childhood away and we should look at whatever stage our children are in as the best stage.

Favorite Moments

Gracie found an old snowsuit of hers from when she was a baby and had fun playing with it all day. She even tried to get in it. It's a little too small!

Madelyn gave me hugs for no reason today other than to cuddle with me. She also discovered how fun it is to play under the kitchen table! She did not take an afternoon nap, so she fell asleep during supper. She looked so cute sleeping in her highchair!

Jim's brain must have been doing some housecleaning since out of nowhere he started singing an old gum commercial during supper!

Friends

We had such a busy day today! We got to meet with two friends today and have lunch with one of them. My lesson for the day is this--meet with friends whenever possible! When I surround myself with Godly women, it is always uplifting! "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another." Hebrews 10:25

One ofthem told me that I should think about asking for Gracie's input when I write my favorite moments from the day. I think she is absolutely right!

Gracie's Favorite Moments

Eating lunch and climbing on the tree (not a real one), ladybug and fish in the indoor play area

Playing with the toy airplane that came in her lunch

My favorite moments

When Jim walked through the door after work! :) I have a wonderful husband!

Eating lunch

Talking with friends. Whether it is in person, on the phone or on the computer, I love it!

Hearing about Gracie's dream. She woke up saying she wanted a real kitty-cat. When I told her she was allergic and so is Daddy, she then asked for a toy kitty-cat. She continued to repeat this for the next 10 minutes during breakfast.

Madelyn dancing to Gracie's toy that quacks

There's No Place Like Home

Gracie recently offered to watch Madelyn for Jim and me so we could go out on a date. I thought that was so cute and wish I could take her up on that offer! It is truly amazing to watch them interact. Gracie is a great big sister and takes care of her "little baby".

We were recently considering putting Gracie in preschool and I am so glad we didn't! I would miss so many moments with her if she were gone. And I am just having too much fun homeschooling her! Gracie also seems to enjoy it. I recently asked myself why I want to homeschool so much, and the short answer is that I love spending time with my girls and love to teach and learn. I would love to learn right alongside them. Of course, I still want to give them opportunities to be involved outside of the home, meet friends and learn from other adults, but there truly is no place like home.

On that same thought, making my home in Arizona has been hard for me. I like it but am away from my comfort zone. Someone gave me this verse to ponder, and it has helped. "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4: 12-12
I could also add whether living in Illinois or Arizona. God is there wherever I go.

Favorite Moments

Yesterday--Madelyn attacking Gracie after her bath by crawling all over her, Jim giving Gracie a mohawk, dancing to a country song that Jim thought was hilarious.

Today--Gracie can sing her ABCs all by herself! Gracie is also getting so good at computer games. Her fine motor skills are amazing!

Madelyn likes to love on our dog Lily. She does it at every opportunity. She loves dogs!

Legacy

Today's Lessons

Today was spent reorganizing our house after returning from our first family trip in our travel trailer. It was great to have the girls by my side as we did laundry, washed dishes, put food away, made the bed, etc. But as the day wore on and Gracie did not nap and Madelyn only napped for one hour, I craved time to myself. It is easy to get frustrated when I don't get alone time during the day. But a lesson I have been learning is to enjoy all my time spent with the girls. It is never time wasted. It is a time to develop character in each of them by modeling the fruit of the Spirit...love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-25). That is one of our favorite songs to sing. Howevedr, it is not always easy to live this out. Many days I fail. But I want to leave a legacy for them that points to the Lord. One of my favorite songs is Legacy by Nichole Nordeman. I heard it today and it has been playing through my head. If I figure out how to have music on the blog, I will make sure to add that song!

Favorite Moments

Madelyn absolutely loves to dance. We have all had many dancing moments today.

I love that Gracie still thinks eleventeen is a number.

Gracie said the reason she didn't take her camera on our trip was because she was afraid the ducks would peck it.

Gracie also wanted to use the sheet as a "parrot-chute" (parachute).

Purpose

When I was in high school I took a creative writing class that sparked my interest in writing. I started a poetry book that I titled A Glimpse of My Heart. I haven't written much over the last few years and have missed it. I know blogging is probably just a passing fad and I initially had no interest in creating a blog. Why would anyone have an interest in my private thoughts?

Our pastor gave a sermon not too long ago about what we consider to be the most important things in our life. And the answer for most of us is probably people and the relationships we have with them. So that led me to think about the people in my life, and two questions came to mind--One, how well do the people in my life know me? Two, how well do I want them to know me?

With these questions on my mind and a growing desire to start writing again, my blog has been born. It is taking a lot of courage to open up my life and make myself vulnerable to others. But I want my friends and family to know the real me. The me that is far away from Illinois right now and living in Arizona with two young girls, relying on God to get me through this season in life.

But I have to be careful. Blogging is a slippery-slope (that's for you, Bethany). I still desire to talk with my friends and family and see them face-to-face when I can. That is truly how you develop a relationship with someone. With all this in mind, I decided my blog needed to have a purpose. In fact, I came up with two. One, write how God is using circumstances in my life to teach me lessons and shape my heart to reflect him. Two, write my favorite moments of the day with the girls. With these two purposes in mind, my days will be more focused and my girls will have an account of our days spent together. So, giving God the glory (and hopefully reaching someone out in the blogging world for him), here is a glimpse of my heart.