Ducks Running Amok

Madelyn discovered the paper shreddings in our office. She loves to play in them and spreads them everywhere. While I love giving them opportunities to make messes, I like controlled messes, messes that are contained to a certain area. When the paper shreddings make their way to every corner of the living room, I often feel out-of-control. It's a little ridiculous when I think that paper getting under the couch makes me feel this way, but it's true. When things are not neat and tidy in my life, I cannot think clearly.

But life with children is messy. My schedule rarely goes as planned. The contained mess always turns into a bigger, more spread-out mess. My nights are usually interrupted, lately by Gracie's night terrors. Those, in and of themselves, are terrifying and messy. They often happen when she doesn't nap, and she hasn't napped in two days, despite my best efforts.

I think God gives me these moments to remind me that I am not in control of most things in life. I need to let go and loosen up. When life gets me down and feels too messy, I hide away in my room on my favorite chair and ask God to fill me back up. I pray for perspective and remind myself of the love Jesus has for me. Once that happens, I am renewed and can handle life better. Because as I get older, I realize more and more that life is not about having all my ducks in a row. It's about living and laughing and praying and crying while my ducks run amok.

Favorite Moments
*the way Gracie put her head in my lap while we were looking at a snowglobe and listening to the music
*Madelyn dancing to the "music" of the fork as I scrambled some eggs and the printer as I printed a document; she literally will dance to anything!
*Madelyn loving on Theo, my Sunday school puppet
*the way Madelyn gives Lily hugs all the time
*Gracie made a birthday card for Madelyn and it is so adorable! She even wrote some of the letters herself.
*the way Madelyn loves to get on our backs and ride on us (or Lily)

Favorite Books
White Rabbit's Color Book by Alan Baker
Not All Animals are Blue by Beatrice Boutignon
No More Bottles for Bunny by Bernadette Ford and Sam Williams

Random Thoughts

I'm exhausted by the potty timer.
I haven't had many deep thoughts lately.
When raising children, focus on character development.
I have so many books I want to read.
I can't wait to visit family and friends in Illinois.
Why does our neighbor's dog have to bark nonstop?
I'm getting over Facebook.

Favorite Moments
my girls sat and played with Legos side-by-side today for one minute with no arguing or pushing...a glimpse hope?

finding two awesome ideas for my future "school room" in our next house

Tuesday's Favorite Moments

*Being "stickered" is something that happens once in a while in our house. Gracie may even catch you unaware and you could be walking around with stickers all over your back and not know it! Madelyn was a victim the other night.

*Madelyn has learned to say "uh-oh". It is so cute!

*I cuddled with Madelyn at 5:00 this morning and again this afternoon.

*We went to the library today. Gracie got the book Bear's New Friend on CD. She sat and listened to the story as it was being read and even turned the pages when she was supposed to. I love watching her do things like that!

Favorite Moments

Gracie has an interest in writing her ABCs. Today, we worked on the letter A. She wrote one all by herself and put it in the play mailbox for Jim. Tomorrow, the letter B! Theo, our Sunday school puppet, helped her!

Jim running around with Gracie's vacuum. Gracie thought that was hilarious!

Gracie came to me today with a handful of pom-pom balls. She said, "Look at these wonderful colors." I love when she talks like that!

Playing in the wading pool...until I saw a spider on Madelyn!

Gracie helping me fold socks.

Madelyn climbing up my legs and reaching up to me so I will pick her up. It is just so cute.

Snapshots of Our Weekend

Favorite Moments

buttering bread in the garage (the butter was sawdust and the bread was wood scraps)

watching Gracie ride her bike

shopping for toys for Madelyn

Gracie telling Jim and me that she loves us

Madelyn waving to me and saying hi

In Gracie's words

Gracie: "What are you doing, Daddy?"

Jim: "Writing a letter to the people who made Madelyn's crib so we can get new parts for it."

Gracie: "Are you writing to God?"

Jim: "What?"

Gracie: "God made everything, so he made Madelyn's crib."

Gracie is very in to making up her own dreams and telling us about them. At breakfast this morning...

Gracie: "I had a dream last night. It was called Upstairs and Downstairs."

Jim: "Your dreams have titles?"

The other day, Gracie typed a message to her grandparents. We told her they sent her a message back, and she said, "I guess they didn't want it." She thought they had sent her message back to her because they didn't want it!

Loving to Learn

Gracie, Madelyn and I will be joining a preschool homeschooling group called Loving to Learn in August, and we are so excited! Every week, Gracie will have the opportunity to do so many neat activities with other moms, older and younger kids and me. I had my first meeting about it last night and just felt right at home. I can't wait to get started!

Books
Mouse Shapes by Ellen Stoll Walsh
Busy in the Garden by George Shannon
Bunny Cakes by Rosemary Wells

Favorite Moments
playing with friends
watching Gracie work on puzzles all by herself
playing with Madelyn after her nap
finally spending some time with Jim
Jim playing a song for me that he wanted me to hear

Preserving Memories

I have been dwelling a lot lately on all the things I am doing wrong as a mom. Disciplining Gracie is so hard for me and I have really been hard on myself about it. But today I started to focus on all the things I feel that I am doing right. One thing I work hard at is preserving memories through blogging, journaling in the girls' private notebooks, filling photo albums with pictures. They are gifts I want to pass on to my children.

With that in mind, I am pursuing something that has been an interest of mine for a while now. I am learning how to take better pictures and use my camera as it is meant to be used. I am by no means a good photographer, but I am learning. I am trying to see my time with my family through the camera lens and through God's eyes.

Today, Gracie was kneeling in our overgrown backyard pulling up some weeds, and I could just envision what a great shot that would be. Of course, by the time I got my camera, she had moved on. But we spent some time outside on this cloudy afternoon and I just took pictures of them. I loved it! I have grand dreams that by the time they are out of school, I will have learned and grown as a photographer and be able to start my own business. But for now, I am just enjoying photographing my children and spending time with them, trying my best to see them through God's eyes.

Favorite Moments
watching Madelyn lounge in Gracie's purple chair
playing with sawdust in the garage with the fan on--it's hot out there!
spending time in the art area doing an "art projack"
looking at pictures with Gracie
reading other blogs
taking pictures!
talking with family and friends

Laughter

"A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22

I stopped to think today about how often I try to make the girls laugh during the day. I think the answer is not often enough. As soon as supper was done tonight, Jim played with the girls and there was instant laughter. Thank God for daddies! They just bring laughter to the house in ways that mommies can't. Watching them play is by far my most favorite moment of the day!

Gracie
uututuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

ooioooooooooooooooooooooiiuuyyyuyutuytytyiutiuiyiytuuityuiytiuyutijjhk
Dear Jesus, I love you.

Today's Favorite Moment

I am finally adding some pictures to the blog! However, I don't like displaying a lot of pictures of the girls on the Internet, so I am only going to add pictures that don't show their faces. I think it is kind of cool to show just their hands and feet, since they are so busy using them!

Today, Gracie made mud pies and we let Madelyn join her. They had so much fun!

DEAR

When I was teaching, I used to do something called Drop Everything And Read (DEAR). Throughout the day, we would stop whatever it was we were working on and just read. I am trying to incorporate this into my day with Gracie and Madelyn. I LOVE going to the library and hope the girls will enjoy it as much as me as they grow up. Gracie loves to go there and play. Madelyn loves to try to pull all the books off the shelves. I have decided to incorporate a list of our favorite books or books we are reading at the end of every week. Jim makes fun of the fact that the books I want for my collection are children's books. I would rather read a children's book over an adult book any day of the week! And I don't care who knows it.

Favorite Books
All the Little Bear books--Gracie and I both love these stories.
Jesse Bear, What Will You Wear? by Nancy White Carlstrom
Book, Book, Book by Deborah Bruss
Out and About by Shirley Hughes--I love this book of poems and the pictures are adorable!

Favorite Moments
It amazes me how pipe cleaners can keep kids busy for so long.

Forgiveness

I have to face the fact that I have too many thoughts to limit myself to just Thoughtful Thursday! That being said, I have something on my heart that I just need to write about.

I have talked with friends this week who have had a hard time with their children. While I am sorry they are going through struggles of their own, I am so glad that they are willing to share their struggles with me. I am not alone!

I have screwed up so many times this week, especially today, with my words and actions towards Gracie. I am not showing her God's love. I tell myself that I am being a bad mommy and that I am such a failure. These, of course, are very ungodly thoughts.

But God reaches us right where we are. I opened up my Bible yesterday only to find a message straight from God to my heart. It was all about second chances. God is willing to forgive our sins towards our kids if we are willing to forgive ourselves. However, I have a hard time forgiving myself. Jesus paid the price for my sins on the cross so that I can be forgiven. If Jesus will forgive me, I have to forgive myself. I am a sinner in need of a Savior. And how amazing that Jesus is a Savior who is willing to accept me as I am!

A friend gave me a paper this week that is all about attitude. Each letter in the word attitude stands for something. The letter "I" stands for "interrupting ungodly thoughts". In order to be a better mom in the future, I absolutely have to do this. We must "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5

Thoughtful Thursday

I am tossing around the idea of changing my blog a little to make it even more focused. I am thinking of adding Wise Wednesday, Thoughtful Thursday and Sermon Sunday, and writing longer posts on those days. The other days will be a list of our day, including favorite moments.

So that is my thought for this Thursday.

Favorite Moments
Me
dancing with the girls to Sid the Science Kid music
watching Gracie play with weather dress-up magnets
going to a much-needed play date with my Bible study friends


Gracie
jhuuuuuuuuuuuuuyuy776jjhgtyytt We went to a friend's house today.
jhuuyuy uyuyuyuyuyyytuytuyyu I played a computer game after supper and then the timer went off and I had to go potty.

Favorite Moments

Using Gracie's sheet as a parachute (parrot-chute)
Jim, Gracie and Madelyn chasing each other around the kitchen
I got to eat lunch by myself!
dipping my feet in the wading pool while the girls happily played


Gracie
I rode my inside bike.
I put my shirt on all by myself.

Least favorite moments
Gracie somehow managed to dump a bunch of black pepper into her nose and spent the next 15 minutes or so sneezing and blowing her nose. Yuck!

While trying to rinse Madelyn and Gracie off in the bathtub, Madelyn turned on the shower and got us all soaked!

Wise Wednesday

No talking. No emotion. These are the two things that I have are so important when disciplining Gracie. So why do I constantly fail at them?

In the Girl Talk Bible study I am doing with a group of women, it asks us what walls we have up when it comes to relationships with others. I have a wall that I didn't even know was there until today. I have put up a wall and won't let anyone give me advice on how to handle discipline with Gracie. Gracie is a funny, sweet, smart, energetic, curious, wonderful girl! But she is also very strong-willed, emotional and complicated, just like her mom. Add to that the fact that she is three, and I feel like pulling my hair out most days.

I have put up the wall because I feel like no one can possibly know what Jim and I go through with her. It's. Just. Not. Easy. But I also know that by shutting out other people's suggestions, I might be missing out on the one thing that will work for her that day. You see, God calls us to be in community with one another, helping each other through our struggles. We can't do it alone, so he sends us Godly women to help us and gives us the Bible as the ultimate parenting book.

Both of my girls are such blessings with many strengths to their personalities. I hope to encourage those strengths and help them work on their weaknesses. I don't want Gracie to change who she is. I just hope to teach her how to control herself and how to choose happiness. It won't be easy for her. But her road to doing it starts with me. I have to model the no talking, no emotion to her when disciplining her. That shows her self-control. But the road to being able to model it to her starts with me relying on God. I have never been on my knees praying to God more and crying out for wisdom than since I became a mother. If we seek out wisdom, God will give it to us.

Random Words of Wisdom
Kids will resist whatever we let them resist.
Our attitude affects everything.

Favorite moments are to come later, when Gracie can help me.

The Armor of God

When we dropped Madelyn and Gracie off in the nursery on Sunday, Gracie was telling all the other kids to be gentle with Madelyn and be careful with her. Jim and I thought it was very sweet but also very ironic since Gracie is the opposite of careful with Madelyn at home. Last week she kicked Madelyn in the face for no reason, and she often pushes her. I think Madelyn needs to have protective armor to keep her safe around her sister! We just got Gracie a helmet to wear when she rides her bike. Maybe Madelyn should use it!

All these thoughts of armor make me think of putting on the armor of God. In Ephesians it says, "Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." I feel as though I have given in to the devil today by yelling at Gracie too much. Gracie is a very strong-willed girl who knows exactly how to push my buttons. She has done well with that today. The more she disobeys, the harder it is for me to tame my tongue. The book of James tells us that, "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing...this should not be." It also says the tongue "is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."

The enemy knows our weaknesses and will use every situation to make us fail. For me, the only way to tame my tongue on certain days is to ask God for armor against the enemy.

Favorite Moments
Saturday
waffles for breakfast on Saturday
Going to the toy store with the girls. They had so much fun looking at all the different toys!
Gracie wearing her new bike helmet in the house and while eating supper
Eating out on Saturday
Watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Sunday--Our 6th Anniversary!
cinnamon rolls for breakfast...Jim surprised us with them
watching Gracie ride her bike with her helmet
Moon Pies and Jones soda...yum!
playing playstation with Jim

Monday
Madelyn snuggling on Jim after she woke up
Gracie finished three puzzles mostly on her own!
taking a drive in the car to get Madelyn to finally fall asleep
doing a digestion science experiment with Gracie

Favorite Moments

Gracie
klkkppkpiipippipipipipipipippppp That says, "I saw my first rainbow and I was so excited."

huhggguhuuggiihiiighyiijhiiiiiihuhuhuihiukkkkkkkkk That says, "I saw some friends at the water park."

uiiiiiiiiiiuiiiiiiiiioooooooooityiyitnbmnbnmuyt7uyuytituyiy "I played a computer game."

yiuiyiuiyuiyiuyyiyiuuuyuyuyuiiyuyu "I was so excited that I was listening to some music and was dancing."

yutiyutiyuttuyu86y8676byj6u7u6uu66uuuu766ii76o6709ioooooooooooooo"I saw Miss Susan at the water park."


Me
When Gracie woke up this morning, she told me her lips were chopped. That made me laugh.
We saw such a pretty rainbow! It reminds me of God's promise to Noah to not flood the earth again like he did.

Through the Eyes of a Child

Grocery shopping day is my least favorite day of the week. It could be because I view the store I go to as the "unhappiest place on earth". It seems to bring out the worst in me. They never have what I need, the aisles are always blocked with items they are stocking, and it is just dirty. I realize it is ridiculous for me to feel this way about a store. If it were up to me, I would go somewhere else.

My point is not to vent about the store. Through the eyes of a child, the store is a playground. A place with carts and ladders to climb, clothes racks to play in, shelves of paper towel rolls to hide in, bumpers to balance on. It is all about perception. Children are a constant reminder that the world is a playground if we will just be willing to play.

Favorite Moments
Gracie
playing at the store
going to the library

Me
reading to Gracie on the bed
meeting with friends
going to a Bible study
looking forward to spending time with Jim

The Future

As of right now, the plan for us to move back to Illinois will be around June 2012! That seems like such a long time away, but I know it will be here before we know it. Of course, that date can change. I just keep thinking about how different the girls will be when we move back. Gracie will have just finished up kindergarten and Madelyn will be almost 4! That seems so crazy! I wonder what they will be interested in, how they will be getting along, if we will have any more kids.

Gracie is really into narrating her days and referring to herself as a baby in the third person. Most of her conversation goes like this, "Oh, the baby loves her mama. She found a nice warm cozy place to lay. Oh, the baby hurt herself. She's not happy." I'm sure by the time we move back, this phase will have passed.

She did surprise me yesterday. Most of the time she does not want to join us when we pray at night and just gets squirmy and laughs. We just tell her that we like to talk to God and she can join us if she wants to. Last night, my cousin Hayley was in labor with her little girl, Jillian, and I was telling Jim this at supper. Gracie was listening and asking questions about it, and then she asked if she could say a prayer for Hayley! My heart just melted. She also wanted us to say one for her when we went to bed.

Right now, Madelyn is into everything! She is our "push this out of the way, throw this, crawl over that, grab this with a grip of steel and never let go, throw a temper tantrum" baby. She is on the move so much more than Gracie ever was! And yet, she has a sweet side, too. She loves to give hugs and is happy most of the time.

I just can't wait to see how our family will be different when we move back. Only God knows what's in store, and I have to place my trust in him for our future.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Favorite Moments
Gracie has taken an interest in playing with some math manipulatives that I have. They are different shapes and colors and teach about fractions. She made a flower out of them. I just love when she gets creative with things like that!

Gracie serenaded Madelyn and me at lunch yesterday with her rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. She pretended to be underwater, something she learned at church.

Gracie and Madelyn spent several minutes yesterday morning climbing in and out of the bottom of our kitchen chairs. Madelyn thought that was so fun!

The Greatest Gift

I can't believe that Madelyn will be one in a month! We have been planning for her first birthday party. We worked on the invitation last night and have been trying to think of gifts for her. That made me wonder what is the greatest gift that we can give our children?

I used to watch baby stories on TV when I was pregnant with Gracie. When parents were asked what they hope for their children, many of them said things like health and happiness. I absolutely want those things for my girls, but I also think there is something even greater that I want for them. I want them to know Jesus as their personal Savior. The greatest thing my parents ever did for me was take me to church when I was younger. Pointing my girls to the Lord at every opportunity is the best gift I can give them. After that, it is up to God to work in their hearts and lead them to salvation in the way only God can.

My devotional for this weekend was about a mom who wanted the same thing for her son. She watched him struggle through life and was tempted to be pushy and try to take control of his salvation herself. Once she learned to back off, she prayed for him and watched how God transformed his life. I hope I can be like this mom, doing my part to lead my girls, but knowing when to let go and let God.

Favorite Moments from the past few days

Gracie
the jumping castle
chocolate chip banana pancakes
swimming at the pool with friends, floating in the deep part


Me
swimming and running into friends unexpectedly
chocolate berry pie
chocolate chip banana pancakes
steak dinner for the 4th and homemade potato salad
half hour of peace on Saturday while both kids napped
getting much needed time to read my Bible
taking pictures of Gracie and Madelyn
Jim is my helper in Sunday school today!

Picking My Battles

The last few days, I have been telling Gracie to stop acting like a three-year-old. She has been testing me and pushing my buttons, something she loves to do. Today, I finally decided I have to pick my battles. I was tempted today to tell her she had to wash her hands in her sink when she really wanted to wash in ours. And I mentioned to her that her underwear was on backwards and was going to force her to fix it when she could have cared less. I decided to bite my tongue and realize that those things were so insignificant in the big picture. So she wore her underwear backwards all afternoon and washed her hands in our sink instead of hers. She was happy, and I was just glad that she was choosing underwear over a diaper and washing her hands!

Favorite Moments
Gracie
fingerpainting
going to the park with friends
wearing her apron from Grandmother and Grandpa

Me
I liked making bugs with Gracie's fingerpaint.
listening to the thunderstorm
wearing my apron in the kitchen while Gracie wore hers in her kitchen
meeting friends at the park for lunch
getting Madelyn out of her crib after her nap (she is always so happy to see me!)
Jim giving the girls rides in a box